i reached home rather early today, back into an empty house. my heart was alot emptier in a sense. having nth to do does not make things any better. i sat staring at the com screen for nearly an hour, not wanting to move nor think. the old familiar music brought back images of the past. and there i was, allowing myself to sink further and further into this trance as the music plays on. the yearning for a voice, a soul mate came stronger than ever today. it just had to be your doings.

i lied when i wished you all the best,
cos i cant.
i swear i wont cry . . .

today went swimming with bugger, kong ba, steven and yuhao. the person who suggested swimming ended up still aslp when we've reached the swimming complex! LYK ! lol...peng joined us afterwards. after swimming we went to watch movie, play xbox , play bridge and went home. it was a simple yet fun time together la. always filled with laughters and more laughters. i guess we are all glad to have each other's company as there's really nth much for us to do at home. At least for me, the feeling has faded awaay ( dun ever come back !)

recently lots of good news from my friends. really happy for them, after years of being with us, they've finally gotten their "perfect life". well, some are still in the process but many have already launched their ships and sailing swift and strong. everytime i teased them , their shy smile just tells alot bout their happiness =)

at the end of every busy day, i'll just so happen to think of her. i think it has something to do with the joyous atmosphere thats surrounding me. these days. my soul tends to be a little weak and emotional when all is dark and quiet in the middle of the night and i yearn for a support. but i'll always force myself to go to bed... before the emptiness sets in.

cheers to the life ahead...

The A's , i can happily say now, is over... however, i feel i'm in a transition period. i do not know what to feel ? i feel pretty lost all of a sudden. Its like all the while my path was guided and i know where i'm going. but now, i'm left to navigate my own way. two words, aimless and helpless. i wish this feeling goes away soon ... i think i should list out a list of things i wanna complete in this 5 months before my ns. its hard having to wake up every morning and cracking my brain on what to do today. my mum used to tell me, next time when u dont have anything to study or when you've to step into society, you'll miss studying. i use to think " what crap!"but those were golden words which i can fully understand now.

i packed my notes the other day... (baa baa black sheep have u any wool?) 3 boxes full to be exact. tts quite a number of trees! its gonna be hard to part with these comrades that brave the grenades of exams and the bullets of tutorials with you. they have definitely made me stronger. Purple badge as a sign of courage and valor to my notes! *salute* At the same time, i'm begining to worry for my results. for subjects like gp n physics, its gonna be a tough fight. hopefully , the end result will not invoke too much unrest in me.

ok next up... whaat should i do tml ?? hmmm...

hey!

been almost a month since i last wrote. everything's finally coming to a conclusion at last. juz 1 last week and it'll be over. i juz got a feeling i wont be as excited as i am expected to after the exams. nonetheless, a break from studies for 2 yrs is greatly welcomed. watching the occupied soccer courts on my way home juz reminded me how much i've missed it. cant wait for the weekly sessions to resume. i'll definitely be going back for soccer trainings as well. hopefully aj will do much better next yr.

juz finished maths paper today... aww, 12 long years of maths journey and it has ended alr. *sob sob. i will miss maths too. ha... i notice the same thing happening day in day out. ppl coming out of the exam hall will be busy " @%$#@$%^@#$% " over exams questions. they will ask each other " so hows the paper ?" and the reply always came back "okok lo". i dun discuss my papers after i've done it but when ppl ask me how did i do, i'll reply the same way as the others. i juz wonder if i could give a more elaborate ans. no matter how well i felt i did, there's always this "obligation" to juz replied okok or not bad. mayb it is to prevent ppl from misinterepreting it as arrogance.

this time round for maths, i felt i did pretty well, probably well enough to warrant an A. quiet confidence they say. but at the same time there's this sense of insecurity tt is overwhelming the confidence. ironic, no doubt. however, in retrospect, i felt i did well for prelims too, only to be hit right smack in the face with an E. tt was a great fall considering i was aiming for B. so i do not really know which feeling to trust. one thing for sure, this feeling will go away when the dust settles. i'll be peeking at my result slip next yr like a guy playing black jack, holding a King and praying for the pointed end of the ace to appear. hopefully my hard work will be justified. my messy room will be a testament to that.

tts all for now..