i'm not supposed to be home but i'm home. i'm not supposed to be feeling this way but i am. i'm supposed to be flying, but i'm crashing. its not supposed to be turn out like this n it is. its not easy to be me ...

its supposed to continue . . . . . . for one more day.

ahhh . . . i tried to curb it , but i snapped again. saying sorry is no point if there aint actions to back it up. i'm such a sore loser. sry to cow n peng . . . this sucks. next week , no more eruptions , no more blowing my top. juz smile fun n laughters =)

life is so fan. sometimes i just wanna quit .

i'm not supposed to play for 2 mths, i din listen. i hurt my right ankle again last sat n this morning it sprained. its turning out to be something far worse than wat the doc said. it felt loose, as though it might give way anytime.

all i wan is . . . 1 more day

ystday had soccer in the afternoon , i snapped again for like so many weeks. sry cow, sry pi , sry song , sry py, everybody la. i think if i cannot curb my temper, i shouldn't play next time la. power is nth without control.

had bp 45th anniversary dinner. met with the rest of bgang then go together. hahaz, first time we appear so formal. some of them looked really diff n nice la. walking back the long stretch of road is always nice. its filled with so much memories. even the 7 eleven is just like our own "bp " mama shop not forgetting our home lamsoon. then once everything settled , got to see some really old friends, sherelynn la , hew la , bugger la , yilin la, oon etc . felt so warm deep down. the air on our botak field still smells the same , like home.

its wasnt about the food ystday(cos it sucks ), it isnt bout sm goh , it isn't about the glamour, its about the reunion of the bpians whom we spend so much fun time with. i sang the bp song with so much pride for the first time , i bet all of them did. i cheered the bp cheer with memories flashing thru. our court yard was also ever so familiar. i miss the place we had so much fun. when our lives was about having fun , not like now. all the daily "peeping" activities, it still sounds so exciting to me . after ystday , when will i get to see all of them again ?? its like a dream come true for tt short 4-5 hrs , now we're back to reality, i dun wan to wake up, i dun wan to , i wan my life back ...

i was also looking forward to see her. i did , i was glad, v glad, but is it the best thing for me now ? the feeling all came rushing back to me . she still look just as beautiful. i plucked all my courage to take pics with her ( juz realised i've nv taken any pics with her be4) i'll keep this well. she has grown taller le , haha. i've nv been so much happier than ystday for the past 6 mths. it sure is a beautiful night.

but i'm having the hangover now. dunno how to explain. it sucks ... can the time just stop when i'm in the canteen ! i dun wan her to disappear in my life as time goes on ... i know my dream will come to an end, nv come true.

bpian forever , yo check it out !

thoughts rushed thru my mind on the second day i hit home before the the sun is even down. wat am i running away from ? wat am i avoiding ? wat do i wan ? i dunno . . . i'm lost AGAIN.

watched "remember the titans" juz now. truely inspiring. it made me feel the feeling all over again. that glimmer of hope, that brought all the desire in me to want to succeed. it was gone weeks after season ended, its back now. rightfully so, training's starting soon. i want to win , badly. i looked back all my life n asked myself wat have i succeeded , wat great things have i done ? one word . . . nth. i dun wan my 8-9 years of school career to end up empty handed, proving my worth only at the small courts i frequent. i wan to play like i know i can on the big stage, to deliver. i understand how the j2s felt this year, they had the burning desire to win. i juz didn't have the hunger to match my ambition, i doubted my own ability. i was scared when serangoon scored the first goal, i was shaking after i missed the freak shot. but i feel this is the time , probably the last season representing any sch. i wan to breathe the air , right there , down on the grass, standing on the pitch , playing in the national stadium. its a dream... tt probably would nv come true.

"i am not perfect , i nv will be, but when we start playing for our goals, our beliefs, as one team, we are perfect. lets make sure everyone remembers the day they played us, forever."

as quickly as the hols ended, my tests are over too! they are tough but which test isn't hard ??i'll be glad if i can pass them all. at least tts wat i aim la. hahaz, i think physics is a goner, was in the playing mood tt night already and cant help but watch the finals between brazil & argentina.

now tt the tests are over, feels so gd to be home n slacking awy. had everything planned out for the weekend already. ystday rented a few vcds ystday n i'm left with constantine now ... quite a nice day so far. juz came back from a jog, been so long since i last had some sort of exercise. ahh... nice air =) n looking forward tml , also have been quite some time since i last kicked a ball into a net, boon should be joining us, so is bingxian n vball gang. the pros are here! lets streetball `! having bbq too , so shouldn't be so bad la.

as for sun n mon , find sometime for "studying" at my house again ? anyone ? haha ...

memories come n go , now they're here to stop again.

*love life*